PRACTICAL Uses for the C5 No. 73: Paul 'porn-king' Raymond finds that the C5 can be an excuse for publishing tacky pictures in dirty magazines. But which SU stalwart discovered the pic? Answers on a postcard please ...
GREMLIN, voice of the people, telephones US Gold to find out why it persists on putting Commode screen shots on Spectrum cassette inserts. Spokesman Tim Chaney writhes impressively as he explains that Sega and other yank coin-op game merchants despise the Spectrum.
"Being Americans, they don't see why the game should go out with inferior screen shots to those which they can produce from the original coin-op or Commodore versions" he says.
Tim assures readers that US Gold is not trying to con anybody - it clearly states where Commodore screen shots have been used. Anyway, many of the games, like Dambusters, look just as good on the Spectrum as on the Commodore.
That being the case, why pander to American prejudice? Tim mutters something about duplication of photography and printing. Could he be talking about saving money?
If you were expecting banner headlines from Gremlin now Maxwell's pulled out of the Sinclair deal you were wrong. You wouldn't have seen any in the Mirror either. Although Cap'n Bob's rag blazed away with 'Maxwell Saves Sinclair' at the time, the news that he went back on the deal only rated a few paragraphs on an inside page.
Staff at Sinclair Research may be relieved at the thought that Bob won't be calling in their chequebooks for all expense accounts after all ...
Meanwhile Sir Clive maintains a bold front of bullish optimism about Maxwell breaking off their engagement. No weeping virgin he. "Twenty-six thousand people in the US want to buy QLs," is one of the lines he's pushing.
Gremlin reckons it begs the question. If the yanks are so keen on the machine, why does Slugger keep postponing the US launch? ...
While we're on the subject of QLs, Sinclair User has been moving in exalted circles recently. You may have spotted that maestro of the critical insult, Chris 'lunchbreaks' Bourne holding forth recently on Newsnight about the wonders of the black beast and why nobody wants to buy it.
Our Chris, whose ability to bore entire saloon bars to death is legend, droned on happily until the film ran out. Gremlin reckons he was much more worried about perching on the back of an office chair for the interview. This had the effect of thrusting his huge paunch directly at the camera ...
DAVID WHITE of Saga demonstrates his new bio-degradable keyboard. In conjunction with Tasword II, it allows you to do word-processing in the alimentary canal, thus ensuring a highly personalised end copy.
The karate wars look like being just as hot as the great boxing punch-up - Gremlin, passim. Melbourne House is already riding high with Way of the Pretentious Fist, while System 3 has yet to bring out International Karate. It seems ninjas broke in and pinched a whole load of gear, including some of the core routines. Hence the delayed launch.
Meanwhile, Andy 'Cartier' Shafte, the cool elegant production manager at System 3, wants to know why the magazine doesn't mention him as a major industry figure. He has some idea that his great talent helps entertain people - "which is what your magazine is about, so in effect I pay your wages.""Andy needs his wrists slapped," says his boss, Mark Cale. "I'm more of an industry figure than he is, and I'm nobody ..."
Those ageing comics, The Young Ones - Rik, Viv, Neil and Mike - will be appearing in the game of the show around November.
The graphics are said to include 'a few things which haven't been tried on a computer game before'. What has software house Orpheus got up its sleeve? Vivian smashing cricket bats through the screen? The awesome sight of Neil's snot overflowing into your living room? Or SPG the hamster propelled by his own flatulence after a really heavy lentil curry ...?
Slugger's been denying the existence of the Spectrum 128K for so long now that everybody must know it's on the way. Some machines have even been sent out to software houses, it seems, with letters about how secret it all is and how the computer must be carefully guarded.
So which software house is so blasé about its model that it's been left lying around the office for any old industrial spy to see ...?
Brazen Backslappers of the Month Award goes to Artic for their sicko press release about a cat named Selwyn. Artic claims Selwyn was the beloved pet which inspired the game Paws. Gremlin thought the game was inspired by the idea of acquiring the rights to the musical Cats, but let it pass.
Sadly, Selwyn is dead, 'struck down in his prime while crossing the road'. What a great excuse for sending everybody a reminder of Selwyn's alleged game. Gremlin hopes Artic will now have the decency to send all profits accruing from the game to the RSPCA ...